The Race Against Time

Welcome back to Guiding the Cowgirl. 

I have found this blog to be a place of peace for me in a way that I didn't expect. While I truly hope that my insights help others at some point, I also have a lot to gain my posting these. I can see myself 10 years down the line reading through the blog posts and thanking my younger self for never giving up. Never settling for a life that doesn't call me or a dream that isn't mind. Never forfeiting myself. Truth be told, I have fears surrounding whether or not I'll make it. I have a fear that I will give up everything I have ever wanted to settle for a life of promised complacency. 

In the past, I have chosen to let myself feel alone. Like I was the only one in the world feeling fearful, alone, and just not where I was supposed to be. I'm not doing that anymore, and I hope you don't either. 

I am currently sitting at the kitchen counter in my aunt/God-mothers house (that's a long story). I live here, and I love it. However, there are many times where I feel like I should be doing bigger and better things. I tend to be very hard on myself, and so critical that I make myself feel small. I live here because my life up until this point has been different than I would have thought. Almost nothing has gone to plan... because what would life be if it went to plan? Pretty dang boring. 

I remember having the realization at one point that if I had been given the choice to see the rest of my life today, or get to live it out, I would without a doubt live it out. Every time. I would rather embrace the uncertainty than see to the end of my life right now. Because where would the wonder be? The excitement? The "what's next?" 

I know I am not alone when I say that so often, I am faced with the worry of "what if it doesn't work out?" And while I know it is clique, what if it does? What if I don't just get what I want out of life, but I get more? What if I get the career, family, horses, rodeo life, etc... WHAT IF????? 

One thing I know for certain is that God does not want us to worry. He wants us to trust in his timing and his knowing. I, like many others, am working on that one. 

I hope this has helped you feel like you have someone to connect to in one way or another. This blog isn't just for "cowgirls," it's for anyone who wants to be in a genuine space where we discuss real things. <3

LD